So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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