oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
