I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize