I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
