I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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