HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So squirting runs in the family.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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