Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
