I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
