I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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