I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
