see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
