ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
