What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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