whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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