I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up backwards on a recliner
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
