WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
