dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
