a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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