I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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