I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
