My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
