If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize