Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
