my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
