What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
