I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
