I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
