she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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