honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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