Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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