Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
