We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
