ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize