saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
