I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
