Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize