3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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