do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
