So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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