Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
