I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
