I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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