Moan for me like Helen Keller
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
