Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Where is the hickey?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
