so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
