I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
