The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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