i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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