Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
