Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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