Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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