he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
