I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
