i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
