Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
