My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
