I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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