16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
