my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
