Don't make out with my wife yet
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
