im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
