How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize