i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
