I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
