I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
