True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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