If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
