If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
